Can you smell a rat? (only slightly cheating)

I have an obsession with the way things smell. And with smelling all things. I've always wanted to create a perfume but that dream is a bit more expensive than, oh, I don't know, my dream of writing things down and having people read them... ahem. So for today's "assignment" I'm pulling up an old review from the old blog, that's what makes it slightly cheating, well that and I am posting it super late on Thursday but it's technically Friday so it counts. 

*another note, reference points used in this post are my tattoos. 

I went to Scent bar today looking for something new to obsess about and compulsively buy since alcohol and food are no longer options. On my right wrist, just above the 5 IS Avignon, part of the incense series from Commes des Garcon. 
Here is the description:

Powerful and intense, Avignon evokes the medieval city in the south of France which surpassed Rome as the Catholic Church's power center in the 14th century. It's the scent of gothic cathedrals and Papal palaces, of tapestries imbued with centuries of incense. Of cold marble steps, holy relics and dark confessions. The recognizable smells of frankincense and myrrh open the high mass of Avignon, giving way to the almost eye-smarting, gloriously smoky and resinous heart. A dry vanilla and soft Roman chamomile dull the edges of this reverent fragrance. Beautiful, dark and mysterious, Avignon takes its place among the most talked about (and admired) of CdG's entire line.

Here is what I smell like:
The actual original frankincense the wisemen brought to jesus that has recently been dug up from under a pile of burning wood.

I thought it couldn't get worse so I went ahead and sprayed a bit of Vannile Bourbon on it, just to see what would happen. Now I smell like after they pulled the frankincense from the burning pile they rolled it around inside of a my little pony doll.

On my left writs, smack inside the circle is Calypso Vanille (can you find the theme?)

Here is the description:
Don’t be fooled by the name. Calypso’s vanilla is not a sweet, moist cookie of a scent (just thought we should let you know). It’s a burst of equal parts vanilla, bergamot (think: orange, grapefruit and lemon) and orange blossoms. A scrummy concoction of all the things we love best, all wrapped up in background of white musk. Vanille is a sophisticated creamy, musky floral/vanilla with remarkable lasting power…we could smell its warm musky vanilla traces many hours after first applying. Dreamy, creamy, rich and fabulous!

**I hated this in the bottle. I hated this on the paper. I sprayed it on anyway. BUG SPRAY!! Horrible acrid horrible bugspray, look out sister, this is horrible!

Nine hours later, I kind of secretly like it. It smells like my mom on the beach in 1984, almost sweet, a little floral with an underpinning of coppertone. The downer is that there is also something very "perfumey" about it that makes me think it is probably popular among the big hair set in Dallas.

On the compass I have the aforementioned Vanille Bourbon
Description:
Vanilla lovers, it’s time to rejoice! Two types of orchid are used to bring to mind an intense, sweet, rich vanilla fragrance, anchored with the delicious scents of heliotrope, exotic tiare and warm amber. This is an instant smile and an easy laugh…it’s soft vanilla joy in a bottle. Easygoing yet totally addictive (we mean it—we crawled over two tables one day to find exactly what gorgeous vanilla was enticing us so!), this is the finest bourbon vanilla we’ve ever laid our noses on. The Absolu version is strong—an amazing plus for any vanilla scent (and wonderful staying power, too!) Did we say addictive? Vanille Bourbon has left us with a loss for words, so we’ll just say, “WOW!”

What does the compass smell like? Avignon. That stuff has moved in and taken over. I'll have to talk about that one another time I guess.

Wow, I've bored myself. Sorry about that.