its all about me

I wish I could tell you what sent me to cafe tropical in my pajamas with my underpants in my purse, but it really isn't my business to tell, so I will just start at the moment I pulled up. It was about 9 a.m., pretty early for me to be up as of late and I thoouroughly blame this early hour for my decision to walk into a coffee shop wearing sports themed p.j.s with a bang shield of death balanced precariously on my forehead. Oh yes, it was that bad. This wasn't just any coffe shop either. THis was the place I go to EVERY DAY, as do many, many, many people I know. This place is like fucking mayberry. SO I walked in and pulled out my wallet so that it would be at the ready. Fine, right? Yeah, sure, except that along with my wallet came a a purple lace monstrocity that I am sure everyone and their mother noticed. At that point I chased it around the floor for a minute until i managed to capture it and lock it back in it's cage. It was touch and go for a moment there. I didn't even get any coffee. I just hauled ass out of there. I can only imagine what the other patrons must have been thinking... "Who is this crazy lady in the weird outfit with that thing on her head doing chasing around a pair of panties. She's obviously an exhibitionist because she didnt even buy anything!"

and no, the scenario that lead up to this is not AT ALL what you might think.

SO today, same fucking cafe. I walk in wearing my new dress. Having the kind of day where things are going pretty well. (except for being sent home early from my volunteer position and walking around all day with a hole in the back of my pants.) As I walked in I thought I saw someone I knew, years ago. years ago when I was fat and miserable. Um, right, because I am so skinny and thrilled now, well, im pretty happy, but I digress. So i went in, got my coffee and as I walked out, thinking, "oh, look at me, I'm a grown up now, with a special dress and hip bones" I nonchalantly took a sip of said coffee, pouring it completely down the front of my dress. That's fine. Just fine. I brushed it off and got in the car. I don't even think he saw. That is until I looked over and realized that it WAS him, got out to say hello and announce that I was wearing my newly purchased beverage. I don't have the time to go into the full four part harmony of the thing but let me tell you, I'm still kind of laughing. I love my life.