I travel sometimes, I used to travel a lot more. Sometimes I miss it so I frequent various travel and air transportation websites and read people's stories just so I don't feel totally out of the loop. Vicarious travel, if you will. I read them all, the horror stories, the reviews of in-flight entertainment, which airlines had the hottest staff, who serves the best hot nuts the fastest - wait - hot nuts? What hot nuts? The more I visit these sites the more I see that they're everywhere. Every site has multiple threads and posts dedicated to these little warm airborne gems and I had never even heard of them. From L.A. to Chicago to Shanghai to Portugal first class passengers are enjoying and devouring the objects of intrigue. Hot Nuts!! Now, not only have I been a very frequent traveler in my life, but I have also been a very frequent first or at least business classer. AND I HAVE NEVER HAD HOT OR EVEN LUKE WARM NUTS. Never even been offered them while the posters on these boards have apparently had them enough times to be able to tell you which airline has the best ceramic bowls to serve them in and who has the best variety. It makes me wonder. What have I done to deserve no nuts? Do I look like the kind of person who dislikes hot nuts? Do I look like the kind of person who would turn up her nose and wave away hot nuts? No, I don't.
I look like the kind of person who would welcome said nuts with open arms and an open mouth. I would love them gently but with passion. I would take them in my fingers and lovingly place them into my mouth where I would crush them with the delicate precision only incisors are truly capable of. Then I would send them sailing down my esophagus where they would enjoy the company of their fellows who had gone before them. Yes, I have great plans for my future nuts and I'm ready and willing to put them into action. You hear me flight crew?? Action.