There will be cross posting but there's a whole lot more going on over at thedirtyballerina.tumblr.com

I love it when good shit happens to good people. Even when it's people who I assume are good based on one meeting and award show watching. There's a chick, her name is Molly (Molls), I found her on twitter through another chick I followed who would retweet her all the time. TUrns out my friend chad (iamchadgreer, for your following purposes) actually sort of knew her and we all ended up watching the golden globes at his house this year. I was totally in awe and totally being secret fan girl because at that point I was well into her blog. I'm not going to go on and on but I found her to be really inspiring and I think about a couple of things she said to me on a somewhat regular basis. Well, maybe I don't remember exactly but I think about the gist. I was also amazed by all of the things she had going on and how she manages to be all places all the time. (I mean that metaphorically and internetally, of course.) Basically, homegirl works hard and now it's paid off. You can read about it here. http://molls.tumblr.com/post/6311276397/some-big-news-and-a-bigger-thank-you

          Every year the Los Angeles Conservancy puts on a series of screenings of classic films as they were meant to be seen, in big, beautiful theaters packed to the rafters with excited movie goers. The proceeds from Last Remaining Seats go to rebuild and restore the theaters that line Broadway in downtown Los Angeles. It's a great experience for a great cause. I first saw Sullivan's Travels at the Los Angeles theater ten years ago. I'd never heard of the film, barely knew veronica lake and was just sort of tagging along. I left that theater a convert. I decided then and there that, whenever possible, I would wait to see certain films until I could see them on the big screen. It was a great plan. I saw Casablanca at the Aero and The Good the Bad and the Ugly at the Egyptian. The Searchers at the arclight and Footlight Parade at the Orpheum (complete with a proper prologue, thank you very much). It wasn't until Christmas 2009 that I started going with my dad. That december the conservancy screened It's a Wonderful Life at the Million Dollar. I'd never seen it and my dad loves it. Of course we had to go. The latter half of that year had been tough and the beginning of 2010 was about to be even tougher, not to be cheesy but, we really couldn't have asked for a more perfect movie. As it had a million years before, something clicked and these screenings became somewhat of a tradition. We got tickets to the series the minute they became available and did the same thing this year. I've been waiting with bated breath for May to come and guess what! It's here! Last night we saw Rear Window and holy cow was it ever...

(To be continued)

Moby has a proper blog

And does a better job of posting than me. If I had a tumblr, I would have written this there.

Link to Moby's Blog

Say Kindle To Me And I'll Spit In Your Face

I will post links later but for my current purpose it will suffice to say only that I have been inspired by various blogs and tweets to write this today.

     I am nearing the end Of A Widow for One Year by John Irving. If I'm being honest, I don't love the title and that widow that shows up for a split second in the latter third of the book seems contrived and just stuck in there willy nilly, which is upsetting in an otherwise well thought out, "everything in its place" kind of book. This, however, is not a book review. This is about what comes next. After 500 pages I am unnaturally attached to ruth cole and eddie o'hare and I'm not sure who to replace them with. usually, when I'm midway or more through a book the next book I am to read presents itself. By way of genre or author or some obscure reference. This hasn't happened. When it doesn't happen I will spend hours staring at my books. Not all at once, but total. Sometimes nothing works and I'm off to skylight to buy something. Which will, more often than not, turn in to somethings. Which, more often than not, will sit on my shelf to be contemplated at a later date and deemed insufficient to stand up to whatever masterpiece I've just read. It's a vicious and expensive (and heavy) cycle.
        
*and don't tell me to read The Help because I don't have it and I have to read at least one more of my own books before I go buy anything else! (Of course, now it's all I can think about. Crap!)

**I should also mention that without reading material that I am excited about I feel extremely uncomfortable.

"Are you a crazy person pretending to be Clementine Ford or is that who you really are.... I don't even know why I'm on here does it bother you that people can just go from doing one thing and then end up looking up shit about you on the net. Weird stuff."

By Kate W on      I am not citing anything here because I am la... at 11:48 AM

 I got a notification of this comment on my email and I think it's just about the greatest comment I've ever gotten.
My name is Clementine Ford. For real. I have no idea which Clementine Ford you are looking for but I can tell you that, here at least, I really am me. I don't know why you are on here either. Why is anybody on any website? I know why I'm here. I wrote some stuff. I drew some stuff. I made some videos. I wanted a place to put all that stuff. This is that place. Some time went by and things changed, as they do, and I have no idea what this is anymore. It just is.
This is not about "pretending to be" anything or anyone. Why anyone would want to pretend to be me just to post mundane things on the web seems bizarre.

     I am not citing anything here because I am lazy and because the power of google is extremely, well, powerful.

     Through one of your eyeballs you have read, or will read after you google it, that Chuck Palahniuk never sits down to write until he has an entire chapter or pretty close to one, in his mind. He said somewhere that (I'm paraphrasing) staring at a blank page was just too depressing? boring? Maybe it was in the Ariel Gore book, How To Become a Famous Writer Before You're Dead? If he is stuck he likes to clean (?!) and work out (?1?1) and if all else fails, go to a dinner party to fish for ideas. (Seriously, google, it's really fascinating. You can probably find it at the cult . They have all things chuck and other fun interviews. It's where I first heard of Ariel Gore and everyone knows how much I love Ariel Gore. It was through her book that I first became interested in Murakami and Ayun Halliday (Who just came out with the Zinester's Guide to NYC* (I dislike words that end in "-ster" but I make an exception because I just have to like everything she comes out with))).
     Where was I going with this before that mega parenthetical aside? oh, right.
     Your other eyeball reads writers, nearly most, who say that it is important to write everyday. Not in the mood? Write. "Nothing to say? Write. Raging diarrhea? Write on the toilet. While I do agree with the latter group i also think Chuck is right. I think sometimes, if I just try to write without a plan or at least a general idea of where the scene is heading it comes out crap. Then I find myself embarrassed in front of myself.
    What's your way?
*This link will take you to the Zinester's page on Microcosm publishing, its a great little publisher and through them you can also get Burn Collector #1-9 ( I kept buying them and giving them away. Popular little book.)
**Judging by this post I am a literary pimp, lacking direction, thoughtfulness and insight.

This morning I should be packing

When I signed on to twitter this morning I sow on the right side of the screen a column that read, "Recently listed in" and underneath it, people in Los Angeles. I clicked "People in Los Angeles". Apparently this is a "public list curated by" someone who works at Skylight (a great bookstore in my hood.) I don't understand why I hesitated to put her name, it's right there on twitter. Anyway.... her profile led me to her blog...

From Corpus Libris

I have to say I've spent a fair bit of time this morning looking at it and I really am enjoying it.

She also links to Contrariwise: Literary Tattoos talk about time suckers!

I'm still waiting for this to go back to being what it was. That's just looking backwards isn't it? Maybe my little blog, this place I created when I wasn't in the mood for more rejection letters has taken a turn and maybe that is okay. Maybe it can be a blog about blogging. Maybe it can be a blog about finding my way. Maybe it can be whatever I fucking want it to be. Or, maybe, just maybe, it can be what it is. Wouldn't that be something?

Let me set this up for you...

My sister got a puppy for her birthday.

Through a series of events that puppy spent the night with me.

I already have two adult dogs of my own.

This is what I've just witnessed...

Dog number one had carried bites of his food to the wee wee pad left by my thoughtful sister. (Puppy doesn't think it's so thoughtful, he prefers to poop and pee in the middle of my kitchen.) He laid on the wee wee pad and ate his breakfast.

Dog number two sitting as close as possible but with her butt to me and looking around me, above me and underneath me rather than right at me. She's had a look like she smelled a fart ever since she figured out this dog isn't leaving.

puppy dog laying on my lap staring wistfully at dogs one and two wondering why no one but me will play with him.

P.S. Puppy are great and all but this has shown me that I made the right choice in adopting adult dogs!

Well hot damn and holy calamity what a day! I'm trying to (not so secretly) post daily but sometimes it just gets away from you doesn't it. I'm afraid I've frightened my little story away and nothing will tempt it to return at this hour. Trust me, nothing. Is anyone still reading this? Am I typing to black?

I will say for the moment that, despite a little stress, today was a nice day spent with my little sister culminating in dinner with a friend who just shot a commercial in which he played a mix between bad santa and lazy santa. I laughed so hard when he told me about it that I entered silent laugh territory. I can only hope that shit ends up on youtube. Seriously!

This is might have also had a hand in scaring my story...

I made myself write tonight. I waffled and wandered and contemplated changes to one thing and what to delete in another. Guess what... Waffling and wandering and contemplating doesn't really get much accomplished. Chuck Palahniuk never sits down without a scene, sometimes a whole chapter in his head. He thinks staring at a blank scene is useless. (I'd quote my source but I can't remember it.) Apparently, duh, I am no chuck palahniuk. I opened a new window and I started typing. I was honest. What more can we ask? An inkling of something started to form. I let it fly. It flew onto the wrong continent with no return ticket and I will most likely delete all but the first few pages as they are nonsensical, but I did it. It's mine. I obviously wrote it. It reeks of me, like I'd peed on it to mark my territory. For that I am thankful. Good day and good night.
xx

My dog peed on the couch. I have two tables. One coffee one for eating on. Both are full of piles of stuff. Some clothes stuff on one and books and junk and four picture frames on the other. All pain in the ass excuses not to write. Tonight someone called me stella and told me to get my groove back. Well honey, I started grooving. I grooved some characters and a little story and a plot and all. I got index cards and bubble charts and fun stuff happening. I figured after all that i might as well start writing. Do a short story and expand from there. ANd I wrote.
And I wrote.
And. I. Wrote.... Stella wasn't grooving.
I read back over what i'd written. There wasn't anything wrong with it per se. It was just a little familiar and boring. And familiar. But not familiar in that comfy, this is my voice, way. It was familiar in that... "Holy shit I'm ripping off Charlaine Harris!!!!" kind of way. LIke a ton of bricks dude. A TON of bricks.

Here's the thing, (I'm starting to think that should have been the name of my blog) I don't have cable. And by cable, I mean I don't have any television that runs into my house. If I want to watch the news it has to be online. Feelin me? I should also note that without expansion, this has been a really tough year for me. You know how sometimes when you're going through shit your brain just won't shut off? So you flip on the tv and watch a movie or bad tv? Well not me, I read simple fast paced books that don't take a lot of brain power. Enter Sookie Stackhouse novels. I love them. They are fun and basic and damn entertaining. BUT the problem is I read them all. In a row. over the course of the last three weeks. I lost my voice in there somewhere. I forgot how to write like me but I'm looking and i'm trying and I'll find Clementine again if it's the last thing I do!

*Did that make any sense?

Speaking of pain...

What happens when you start to feel better? You forget, let you guard down, as they say, and before you know it you've tweaked the healing parts and ended up back at square one. i hate square one.

Here's the thing. I don't like pain. It's not my bag. No offense to those who Love it. It's just not for me. One might even say I have a low pain tolerance. (stay with me, I'm going somewhere here.) at least that's what I've been told. So pain is a big deal to be. Mega, hurts so much you want to vomit pain is an even bigger deal.
The latter is what I'm dealing with right now. I woke up Saturday at around 330 in the morning with super nauseous making pain in my left wrist. No j don't know why. No I don't know what could have done it. It was there and it fucking hurt like hell. So that night was unpleasant. I woke up hours later to find nothing had changed. (seriously, I have a point. I promise.) so I'm useless and in pain and any movement of my left hand resulted in my screaming bloody murder and gagging. I took aleve but that didn't help. Today was no different, with the exception that I've now missed two nights of sleep because of this crap. So I went to the doctor.
(HERES the whole point of this whole thing!!!)
As I was driving to the doctor j looked at the steering wheel. I had looped my index and middle fingers around the wheel and was drivin like I had a hook so as to keep my wrist somewhat stable and keep my thumb securely stuck out sideways where is couldn't move and make me scream. I had adapted without realizing it. Yep, that's it. That's the whole point of this post. I find it fascinating how quickly we can adapt, without consciously doing it, to avoid pain. The end.

Once upon a very long time ago I had a date. It's true, I swear. That date led to some more dates. On those dates we talked, as people do. At some point, somewhere there was talk of underwear. (I do not use the word panties, I find it ugly and uncomfortable.) I remember nothing other than my date saying something about plain black calvin klein underwear and my responding with, yes I wear those (while trying to remember if I was wearing them at that moment). The next day I went out in a panic and bought fistfuls of black calvin klein cotton underwear. We never went on another date after that and to this day, years later, I still have a few pairs in the back of a drawer. I laugh every time I see them.

i see stuff

I saw this woman today.

A friend I was with thought it was sad that she's all alone out there.

I saw her more as an independent spirit who waits for nothing(except the bus) and answers to no one. Look at those old school adidas... Rock it, granny! I salute you.

This woman is rad. I very much enjoyed the moments I spent riding behind her.

xx,

me

slipping back gently in... shhhhh

its hard for me to stick to things. I am super gung ho for about two weeks of any endeavor. What usually happens is, something becomes a minor pain in my ass and I scrap the whole plan. WEll, apparently I'm getting better. I started using a metal water bottle a few months ago. Since I don't want to even accidentally advertise for them all I will say is they are popular, swiss, made from aluminum and have had some customer relations issues of late. My customaer issues were, my first two had a funny smell/taste, probably related to the plastic BPA lining they used! My last one mysteriously began leaking out the bottom, odd for a steel bottle. So I got it in my head that I needed a whole new bottle, a whole new, unrelated brand (the third bottle I had was under a different name, same company though.) I went online, found a super cute little store not far from my house and ventured there on a field trip.

I didn't expect too much based on my experience with "green" stores. Holy moly, was I ever wrong! This place has everything from beauty products (I got a couple tubes of fabulous vegan lip balm...) to mattresses (I didn't get one of those...). Also, tons of kid lunch stuff that made me wish I was still in the 4th grade! It won't let me steal the photos but trust me...

All that aside, this post is about what I did get. I got the pink Klean Kanteen. I can't believe I bought pepto bismal pink anything either, but it was that or royal blue or plain stainless steel, which experience has taught me, shows finger prints. The other one I bought partially because the pink fairy is waay too big to fit the gym cupholders, ( I know, so L.A.) and partially because I think it's pretty and I really needed to make up for the pink thing. Did I mention I hate most versions of the colour pink? It's from a company called U-Turn 2 Tap (that's a link). There are loads of smaller companies making these bottles now but this one just spoke to me... ( who am I today?!)

To add to my small part of creating less waste I got some BYO Bags, which stop you from having to use the plastic bags for fruits and veg at the market. I used one this morning and felt very self-righteous! Which brings me back round to the point...wait, was there a point? Oh right, I'm really going to make an effort every single day to reduce the amount of waste I create. And don't tell me in some whiny voice that you recycle your plastic bottles, that doesn't count, think of the energy used for recycling! AND! are you really truly able to find recycling facilities everywhere you go? I didn't think so.

What's happening here?

Maybe I've been under a rock but it sure seems like there is a lot more crime round these parts than there has been in a while. A few hours ago I received this email. 

Dear neighbors,

This past Friday January 30, a friend of my was brutally assaulted walking from Blairs on Hyperion to Edendales Bar and Grill on Rowena. It was maybe between 11:30 PM or 12:30 AM near the West Silver Lake Street entrance on Rowena.  He was pulled into the back of a dark driveway, had a gun pressed against his temple and then savagely thrown to the ground and beaten crushing his left cheek; he blacked out and doesn't remember what happened next. He couldn't see both suspects but got a look at one who he describes as a tall, young hispanic male. Larry was rushed to Kaiser on Sunset and when the police came, one exclaimed that this was the 9th such assault by the same suspects in 2 weeks in the Silver Lake area, almost 1 assault a day!!!  The police also said they were just there the night before with another victim who had his face sliced from the corner of his eye to the the corner of his mouth by the same SOB, they also said they (the police) were on it.
 I think if they were truly "on it" we SL residents would have been warned somehow either by fliers or a news blurb.  My friend is puzzled by the attack and thinks it's a hate crime since they didn't take his wallet nor his watch but isn't quite sure.  I am scared but really really pissed at the police for keeping the 9 assaults, one after the other on the down- low so, I'm going to spread the word somehow and someway.  A friend and I are making fliers and going to some of the neighborhood bars, cafes and stores and posting warnings.  If you have any ideas contacting the news, email blasts etc.. let me know or just help spread the warning any way you know how.

PS.  Another female dog owner/friend on Michelterona and Sunset was sexually assaulted 3 weeks ago at 7:30 PM by a tall white male with shoulder length hair.  He didn't care if she had her 140 lbs dog with her, he grabbed her from behind, pushed her up against a wall and began to fondle her and only let go when he saw a family walking towards them down the hill from Micheltorena.

I apologize for all the somber news but I'm sure you rather be safe then sorry.

Not being able to put it out of my mind ( and being shocked when I went immediately to Capt. Pinkpants blog and found nothing) I did a little searching since they seem to keep these things under wraps and I found this  and who could forget this. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I keep hearing about these things and now I'm scared to walk the dog. nevermind how I feel about my best friend riding the bus late at night...

I once tried to write a poem. I was reading a lot of poetry at the time and it seemed like a good idea. It was terrible. I have read it to exactly one person and she picked out one line and said, "That one's not so bad". She was wrong though, it was so bad, it IS so bad. Every time I read it I am embarrassed by the sheer badness of it but yet, it makes me smile. It makes me smile that I tried. It makes me smile that I completed it. So now I think I should try to complete more things. That's probably a good general rule anyway.